It’s a quarter past six on a Sunday, and the bells are singing.

I woke up this morning intending to get in a couple hours of running, regardless of how the hip felt, but was thwarted by a knee problem that arose six days ago. Now, I question why I’m even trying.

I have long struggled with depression. I first realized what this feeling is when I was in Junior High School. Some people will say that it’s chemical imbalances within the brain or the body while others will believe that it stems from personal trauma or dietary issues. I believe it’s probably a stew whose strong aroma is a sum of many parts. Regardless, what would really “knowing” do for me?

Austria (and Europe) has experienced a longer than normal, and extremely gray winter. This paired with the fact that I have had ZERO days since the beginning of November without physical discomfort, and without the ability to express myself in the way I love best–through running; running long–the past five months have been the most difficult that I have experienced in a very long time. I often find myself sitting in front of books, accomplishing nothing, and I slip further away. I awake each morning, the hours pour by like the waters of the river Mur, and before I know what’s happened I’m crawling back into bed for the night. What is wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with me. I’ve crawled into my head to hide from issues rather than confront them. Life can be difficult, I just need to face it head on and quit hiding. The world would be a better place if we could all do that.

Advertisements